Rupsingh Bhandari

 It was the first time someone looked her continuously when Sita went to a marriage ceremony of her friend. She was shy and uncommunicative girl.  Sita was like the goddesses Sita: serene, pure and innocent.  A tall man with black long curly hair, unbuttoned shirt over the dark gray t-shirt, he was continuously flipping his hair at the same time making a quick glance at her eyes and darting around his eyes. He was watching every time possible way. She just amazed by his strange looking. After a few hours, Ramesh came nearer to her and tried to introduce himself innocently. Sita was completely unknown about the man who was so much glaring at her. He briefed without breathing about himself as polite as innocent way, Sita just muted herself and nodded. She blushed with shyness. When Ramesh followed her wherever she went, Sita started to doubt him. She asked herself if   this man really has good intentions. She chewed over all the activities. After the marriage ceremony, everybody went home waving their hand but Ramesh asked her, ‘ can I send you?’ This humble request made her contemplate, suddenly after sometimes she broke the silence and replied with a mixed feeling of fear and doubts ‘Ok’. He dropped her near her rented room. He did not make any uncomfortable conversations with her. He just stopped his motorbike and said, ‘Ok I need to return, bye’ without looking at her.

This first meeting with someone, humble character of unknown man touched her so much. She remembered many movies where a heroin fall in love suddenly and becomes restless. She had started to revolve herself around that man. She just felt this man must be for me. This is the first time; she felt something strange or seemed she is attracted to that man. She started to humming songs, delving into imaginations. Ramesh every day made a call and they started to talk every day. Unknowingly, both of them fell in love. They started to date and share their feelings with each other. They visited the entire best place in town. They visited the entire temple and made thousands of promises not to be apart from each other. Every time they watched movie Sita used to cry for her love not to lose, she holds his hand and whispered thousand times, “I love you.” Ramesh always made the joke to keep her happy. Every time he answered, “I am not like other man” answering the question of Sita, “Do you really love me?” He never forgets to buy every occasion some gift to Sita. Time has no bridled, it has moved as they travel the loving way goes. They completely vanished in their world. Nothing was important for them. They prioritized everything for their relations.  Several times in their conversations, money, situations and everything remained less prioritized in their love affairs. Once, Ramesh asked Sita, “What is life without me for you?” Sita , without thinking replied “ Death” It seemed they are ready to die for each other. The whole world seemed a vacuum for them. They eclipsed all the nuts and bolts of marriage in their juicy love for them the world is blind in their own world.

Sita was so frightened from this relationship. She was a pride of her family; the religious culture in her family was so strict. The family member has a big hope with Sita. They have invested her that she could study hard and become a model of their tribe. Whenever, she thought about her family, she is so scared herself feeling guilt. Her self-pride was disappearing from herself; she started to be far from her intimate friends and family just to preserve her secret relationship. She lied to her family many times just for her relationship. This made her psychologically disturb. Once, a festival time, her mother asked her to visit she just made some story to escape from family, though she loves her mother so much. Hidden relation was slowly burrowing her inside. She just cornered herself in the bound of Ramesh. Ramesh became everything for her. She escaped from her college and failed in her exam. However, still, she was happy as long as with Ramesh.

Ramesh also assured her that of his plan, a beautiful world. He always persuaded her by his dreams and plans. They geared up their relationship to the family. But whenever Sita talked about the marriage, he kept on changing the topics.  He used to furrow his brows. This tendency sometimes made Sita depressed but she totally trusted him. She even couldn’t imagine about their separation. Which glued their relationship more strongly to each other.  They have passed one year melodiously with so many romance, happiness, and excitements. They have tried hard to make each other happy and compromised many limitations of each other. As time has flowed they have started to misunderstand about their marriage and settling their life. Sita was blindly dissolved into Ramesh’s love. She slowly stopped to disturb him by asking questions. She was completely entangled with him, she herself made a promise to safely land the situation.

One day early morning in the rainy day, sun was hidden inside the dark clouds; the sound of the dripping water was scaring her, Sita felt uneasy, dizzy and vomited. Ramesh quickly took her to the hospital and they found out she is pregnant. Sita was so nervous because before marriage being pregnant is against the social culture but at the same time she was very confident to succeed her relation with Ramesh. From that day, she started to plead him to marry quickly. But, Ramesh always avoided making so many stories. Sita was under pressure because she loved him, she was afraid to lose him and on the other hand, she was really far from her family and friends. Gradually, the attitude of Ramesh changed. He talked less and started to get angry even in small matters.  Many times Sita cried to him, kneeled down in front of him.  But, Ramesh discarded everything she told and continuously scolded. One morning serving a cup of tea Sita asked him, “if you don’t want me let’s abort this child” She cried so much. Ramesh just replied, “Whatever you like you can do” decide yourself. And stand and without looking at her he slammed the door.

Every day Ramesh started to come home late. He refused to pay money. They always quarreled about money. Days started to unfold mysteriously. Sita still believed him. She always requested pleading, “Let us marry and confess to our parent. They can help us in this situation” Ramesh loudly replied never think about to confess. Sita also loudly alerted him “if so I don’t have the choice except suicide.” Ramesh again slowly described all the situations, in fact, he just dramatized that he is caring for her. He was cashing the innocence of her in possible way. That day they didn’t eat their dinner suddenly a dark future creeping towards them. The kitchen was full of dust, television was on, bed and bed sheets were scattered everywhere, they didn’t talk the whole night Sita just cried and slept on the floor Ramesh snored next to her.

An early morning without speaking any words Ramesh went out. Whole day Sita just keep on crying and lamented on her past. She missed her mother so much but she couldn’t make courage to report those all difficulties. But still hoping something would be good. She cleaned all the rooms, like the other days she waited for Ramesh. She imagined all the promises, which they together made. She didn’t have friends to share such difficulties. She waited without eating until late night and fell asleep. Late night Ramesh came and started again scolding. This time Ramesh beat Sita and asked her to leave as soon as possible. That night also Sita cried so much. Next morning, as same way, he left Sita. That whole day Sita packed all the cloths and her dreams. She thought to really lose somewhere coiling her problems.  She opened the old photo album; her tears soaked her as she turned the album. Her hopes were teasing herself; many times, she looked in the mirror, pitied herself, and kept on crying alone.  She didn’t have any other place where she can really exchange her pain and suffering. Days were becoming so heavy; she started to feel empty and blank. As the same way, four months passed she somehow managed to maintain her life. The baby inside womb also getting bigger her stomach is noticeable. She felt more fear that if someone noticed her. She always used mask to go market, the suffering, fear and the torture she carried alone herself, still believing that something will good happen.

Sama was a nurse in a hospital. One morning a newly born baby cry punctured her silence, she ran after the baby but she only found a newborn baby girl crying desperately for mother’s milk. She loudly called other nurses to search for the baby’s mother. Everyone suddenly ran everywhere but couldn’t find her, the baby was continuously crying, women nearby the bed hold the baby and she breastfed that newborn baby girl.

After an hour, they called the police and asked to search the mother who left a baby girl in the hospital and vanished. No results came from anywhere. The woman who was breastfeeding asked the police to adopt that baby girl. Police replied, “not to be hurry, we need some legal procedure” the baby girl eyes were so bright with the glowing face, everyone first word was ‘wow so cute’ after looking this baby they plunged into her mother’s cold heart. People thanked the women, who were caring that baby. Her motherly heart was indescribable.

Another women, who had  a baby girl but she put both of them together and happily started to talk both of them as if her own twin daughter.  The woman, who wanted to adopt the baby, was a schoolteacher (Binu madam). Binu madam’s husband Govinda was in confusion and afraid too. He whispered his wife not to take such difficulties. But she persuaded him, “Both are our daughters both daughter’s cries are same I am in love with both of them.” Govinda couldn’t argue any but just scared with some police trouble. Eventually, after a few days, they decided to let them adopt that baby girl. Binu madam was so happy she embraced both of them calling, “you are two sisters I will give you name.”

Police was still searching the mother who left the newborn baby in the hospital and escaped.  The news spread like a wild fire. After a long investigation, they found Sita’s family member but couldn’t find the husband and their room in the city.  Some of her friends said, “She was with unknown people since last year, they are living together.”

After long investigation, police found both of them and asked the reasons. Why she suddenly disappeared from the hospital. The women confessed that his boyfriend rejected her after she became pregnant and she was violently beaten, mentally tortured .She cried aloud said, “ In the initial year, he followed me, continuously care for me, I felt he is a really good person and fell in love with him. He convinced and promised me to stay together and later will marry. But suddenly he transformed at the end, he just played with me. I have never noticed that he has bigger fish to fry. ”

When she just was four months pregnant Ramesh left her alone in their room and disappeared. She had gone through so much depression and frustration. She explained, “I just couldn’t suicide; nothing has remained for me.” I did not have any money; I just went to the hospital with friends.” We both are in good relation but our mistake was we hide our relationship with all the people, which consequently lead my life to this disaster. She cried and surrendered to police where Ramesh nodded his head with full of guilt. His betrayal damaged both of them.

Sita, asked to the policeman, “Where is my daughter? How she is?” Police man replied, “She got better mother and she is healthy, someone already adopted her” Sita, just wiped the tears, and thanked inside in her heart, who adopted her daughter and prayed that my story must not reoccur with my daughter  and just paused looking down, imagining someday to meet with her daughter.

Rupsingh Bhandari is author of Conscience’s Quantum and social activist.